#trying to remember how to use my hands
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egg
#my art#nikke#goddess of victory#elegg#fanart#anime#artists on tumblr#doodle#forgive the wonkiness#trying to remember how to use my hands
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Happy Fret Day (and Happy Easter)!
#twewy#neo twewy#the world ends with you#neo the world ends with you#fret twewy#fret furesawa#my art#i really like fret! i think his struggles with his identity (regarding how he tends to act upbeat) are pretty interesting#especially with how they relate to his psyche#honestly as much as i find remind interesting narratively/thematically i did not enjoy it as part of the gameplay#there was this one remind section i was stuck on for twenty minutes?#i got better as i progressed but man. it was definitely the hardest to use#i've been thinking a lot about fret lately in relation to sora since i've been playing through kh#they both act cheerful and heroic to befriend/reassure people and consequently lose sight of who they are#it's actually so important to me that they meet and speak to each other at some point...#i struggled quite a bit with coming up with concepts for this drawing (similar to shoka)#when i have difficulty coming up with ideas for these drawings#i can overthink and start going down rabbit holes trying to find some semblance of an idea#that happened a little bit with this one haha#at one point i tried to think simpler. about how fret is fun-loving#then i remembered those target happy birthday glasses#and things started to come together!#you can't see it because it's so small but each candle is detailed to look like someone close to fret#rindo. kanon. shoka. nagi. beat. neku. from left to right (albeit beat and neku are covered by his hand)#drawing the glasses was a lot of fun! i think he looks good with them
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Never getting over Fulcrum being a project manager...
Idk why, but something about that is so funny to me. Not just because the title of "project manager" is inherently kinda funny for a Decepticon, but also because-
1. It's vague sounding and hard to explain irl because it technically exists in multiple fields, like healthcare or manufacturing, which surely translates into canon in some way.
2. In canon, it's simultaneously a really mundane, innocuous sounding job, yet it's also a super morally awful position to reside over depending on the context. (*cough* forced colonization and cyberforming *cough*)
And 3. It solidifies the fact that behind all the surface level militaristic work we get with both the Decepticons and Autobots, there's also Cons and Bots with "normal" jobs in both factions.
Like, sure yeah we get scientists and doctors, engineers and programmers, but usually in big important or warfront positions. (For plot reasons, understandably.) But it's also really funny and interesting to think of those that worked background positions, or minor jobs.
Like an Autobot working in their equivalent of an HR department, or a Decepticon who runs one of their outpost's or starship's kitchens.
Just all the pre-war jobs that didn't just disappear with the war, but instead evolved to exist within the factions.
It's particularly funny with the Decepticons though, because it could be a super mundane job or situation, but because it's them, it has to have an air of ~e v i l~ to it, either legitimately and/or merely for the vibes, like Tarn's "performance reviews".
#theres this one comedy thing. a think its from that like. puppet comedian dude??? cant remember the name rn-#-buts theres a bit about a person in the crowd being a project manager and how silly the job sounds#at some point the person the project manager is with gets pointed out when the comedian asks smth along the lines of-#-''is he a project you're managing? he looks pretty managed to me.'' smth smth. thats fulcrum and the scavs to me#idw fulcrum#fulcrum#mtmte#tf idw#idw tarn#tarn#transformers#maccadam#Decepticons being cartoonishly evil while doing mundane shit will never not be funny to me#'i need to send an evil email to my evil boss about an evil supply chain issue involving my evil workers evil rations and evil mail'#<- fulcrum#sorry. yes he is a tragic yet simultaneously silly guy. but i will never not shut up about his stupid awful job#''he's a project manager!'' oh yay :D! ''he's overseeing the destruction and forced cyberformation of a whole planet'' ...what#not saying he deserved being turned into a bomb. but i think a solid uhh maybe 1000+ organics get a free chance to spit on him or smth#get his ass lmao. i swear hes one of my favs. its just he is objectively an asshole. and i must speak on it bcs i love him#sort of unrelated. but along the same vein of jobs and positions in the Decepticons. ive been trying to puzzle out Krok and Fulcrum's ranks#and. it might not be accurate. idk what sort of ranking system bullshit is going on in canon. so im going off what i know#but. im figuring krok was some sort of warrant-esque officer? aka. he was a general solider. who worked his way up through skill to NCO-#-then specialized in strategy to the point of becoming a warrant officer for strategy and studies. so. higher than NCO but lower than CO#so on the other hand. fulcrum is a CO. bcs he wasnt a solider. he was a technician. but also in advanced management. so. CO???#for irl comparison. NCO/Warrant = worked towards over time from low ranks. CO = fast tracked bcs of formal education or smth#(take the irl comparison with a grain of salt. im not an expert on that shit. i just considered becoming a CO bcs of pressure once)#((CO in this context stands for commissioned officer. not commanding officer btw. so. its like management shit))#(not that i think cons have commissions or anything. just using the terminology as a place holder or smth ig)#who outranks who is debatable bcs canon doesn't specify rank. but if going off this as a basis. fulc would outrank krok by a technicality#but. assumedly. battle experience is seen as more impressive and noteworthy to cons. so its more likely krok outranked fulc bcs of that
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Experimental, learning peace of latest evening's expressions - a gentle drop, and ode, and thought of young and so demure to ways unspeakable<з
#digital art#dark fantasy#gothic#Castlevania Netflix#Castlevania Nocturne#Alucard#Adrian Tepes#fan art#portrait practice#digital drawing#I toned to re-contribute my liney ways#in choice of trying and amuse#time passed drastically in-between of this creation#I toned it has a time that's now#for otherwise I've spent another month or two in being inconsiderable swaying unsatisfied and crudely demure#hand trembles out of drawn nature#but#there is adore and love that swells and aches just as long long time ago#I wonder sometimes#If I am from those times remembered#which tones I used and how my hands had looked#and what it was and how it's done#if I exist#if I am here#it's silly#ah#and also and of course#the referenced piece of classic and redrawn was#Mary Magdalene in the Cave#vasiliquemort
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can someone teach me how to crack my back ik ts feels good
#and my neck#anytime i try to crack my neck#i remember how they used to snap heads in vampire diaries#and even tho ik i wont#idk 🙁#what if my hand is feeling sewersidal 😢😢
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imagine...
...that some things have changed (including some marigold ventures?) and Atlas May is like uh oh both lackadaisy & i are doomed, but if i set up my own death maybe only i'll be doomed and lackadaisy might have to shutter but perhaps more so on involved people's terms, such as mitzi being fine financially, but also if she thinks it's her fault that'll be good for maintaining my posthumous Image to her, perhaps she did some defrauding again? and i'll have mordecai, my trusted & effective gunman, be the one to fatally shoot me, & of course he doesn't want to, but it's Mere Work Ethic time, what's he gonna do besides argue at all maybe, ultimately refuse? (no) and he may hate it but he's not going to want to fully turn on mitzi or anything after because then what would have been the point
#the power of images to incoherently posit my Ideas#can't be concise but Can frame this completely with What If Atlas Did This Thing#if i start with ''so mordecai killed atlas'' there's no time to be like ''not cuz he wanted to; yeah no he wouldn't betray him;'' etc#but see: my tag:#mitzi and mordecai murder mystery#lackadaisy#mitzi may#mordecai heller#i bet that horatio absolutely did not ever do that. chaisis is trying to be a play on crisis btw#bristling fugue moments? don't try to verify it#for the life of me i couldn't find that one specific edit that ends with the ''I Want To Dream....'' dialogue doesn't it lmao. nevertheless#kind of what i meant to make when i ended up drawing Lackabowling & mordico. nicodecai. mordenico. you understand#not sure anyone can understand i'm trying to convey ''if mordecai had to noscope atlas (from afar i bet) a second would pass Very Slowly#from his perspective. how useful if he even has clock sound effect leitmotifs established'' or anything else. have fun be yourself. Post!#corned beef#(ha only now do i remember ''that's completely ambiguous whether it's a second or minute hand'' zoinks#oh well: A Second Feels Like Fifteenish or Mordecai Is Just Standing There Emoji For A Full Minute....either way i guess)
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#NEVER MIND I GOT THEM TO WORK#i spent multiple hours just tinkering with this model trying to get it to work just because of how long it had tormented me before this#and like. i dunno i was just bored and looking for something to do with my hands. and i tinkered with this for a while and got it working#this level of work would be unsustainable for every galarian form that doesn't have a normal functioning model#so. y'know. don't expect this for all of them. but i'll try to remember the process i used for this one so maybe i can apply it to them#so ignore the tags on the next post about me not being able to get this one to work#galarian farfetch'd#every pokémon is someone's favorite. i gotta keep that in mind
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BISCUIT BASIN IN YELLOWSTONE JUST EXPLODED I'M SO MAD I WAS NOT THERE.
#babygirl how many tourists have I taken through you I deserved to see the boardwalk ripped apart and rocks fall from the air#me as someone grabs my hand to drag me away: God this is gonna make a great diary entry#trying to remember the scent and the yelling and sound of tumbling rocks hitting wood#them: DOC CAN WE NOT COME UP WITH A WAY TO USE THIS AS AN OVERWROUGHT METAPHOR LATER#Me: Watching Montana tear herself apart. Defying the outsiders who'd only stroll by once who--#them: DOC ROCKS ARE FALLING
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sometimes, i think about how ☝︎this rando☝︎ from the [redacted] anime inspired me to tl idol sengen out of spite for her butchered characterisation
#thank you [redacted] anime skinwalker mona for your disservice#it’s been yearsssssssssss since the [redacted] anime and i still can’t let go of my genuine irritation m a n.#sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night and remember [redacted] anime hiyori going ‘thank goodness it wasn’t *real* trauma :)’#wrt aizo’s backstory (as told by ken)#and how she p much went ‘you’re so cute. no wonder why that guy tried to [assault] you. meanwhile im so plain :( poor me :((’ to ‘‘mona’’#after saving her from a creep#i s w e a r everyone in gen retcon (except for juri and. like. koichiro** and the longleg**) was done soooooo dirty by the [redacted] anime#**the shortleg and the longleg were somehow somewhat nice(??????) in the [redacted] anime that it’s in equal parts hilarious and unnerving#i think the [redacted] anime would’ve been better if it had. like. kept hina’s initial saltiness towards hiyori (from the daikirai novel)#bc that *sure* was some light drama** that would’ve added some much needed depth to [redacted] anime hiyori’s characterisation#**said drama kind of involved hiyori seeming to pick up on hina’s dislike for her and trying to speak more formally*** around her and stuff#***e.g. of her trying to speak more formally: she tried to use ‘watashi’ instead of ‘uchi’ (and even corrected herself) when talking to hina#both hina and hiyori were such sopping wet creatures in the novels#that it’s genuinely a pity that they were portrayed as nice helpful senpai + airheaded kouhai in need of guidance in the [redacted] anime#anyways!!!!!!! back to mona#i really. *really* didn’t want the [redacted] anime’s portrayal of her to be *the* image of her in everyone’s minds so. yeah.#hence the idol sengen tl misadventure. that’s the main reason for it. really~~~~#the side reason was asuna. no. seriously. that ‘well duhhhhh’ face in vol 2’s post-asumona concert really sold me on her women’s wrongs lol#oooofffff i should really get ‘round to re-typesetting the vol 1 and 2 chapters some time soon… but i ✨lazy✨#p l e a s e don’t say anything about how bad the early chapters are~~~~ i ✨k n o w✨ i revisited them to check something or othee#and left cringing and wanting to cry out of shame. ahhhhhhhh they’re t e r r i b l e#though i’ve been having dreams of revisiting my tls and realising that i. like. left entire speech bubbles empty#w h y am i dreaming of tling man. i’m d o n e with it frrrrrrrrr im freeeeeeee (and manifesting s2 with all my heart s o b s)#anyways. lols. sorry for clogging the dash~~~~ im exhausted and when im exhausted i have the *neeeeeed* to ✨yap away✨—#in any case [redacted] anime skinwalker mona doesnt count as mona to me lmaoooooo#mv mona? yes mona. novella mona? yes mona. idolsengen manga mona? yes mona. honeypre (rip) mona? yes mona. [redacted] anime mona? n o t mon#anyway to the anyway!!!!!!! if you’ve read this far p l e a s e remember to support the official release~~~~~~~#and let’s all hold hands and ✨manifest✨ idolsengen s2 together~~~~~~~ mitsuki focus arc p l s—
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i'm glad i'm gay because i don't think i've ever felt the maternal instinct for even one singular second so i doubt i'll be able to love one... & i don't hate babies i just feel nothing when i see them like i'm fascinated but that's sort of where it ends for me
#my cousin was born earlier this year & when i visited them i had to like cradle her to sleep in her portable bed/crib thing#i was like woah i've never done that before & her hand is tiny but that was it in terms of feelings#& it's awesome that they're doing so many mundane things for the first time#but like i just don't have that baby fever it's not even the maternal instinct because my brother is the opposite & obv he's a guy#only time i feel like cooing is when i see animals which is kind of reddit like i'm not trying to be that kind of person but#well it's more like i see babies as regular people not like specifically Babies like sentient dolls or IDK#i'm glad babies & kids always seem to really like me though despite my Miasma#i'm so intimidated by them cause IDK how to interact with them at all i don't even know how to hold them#i don't know how to speak to them or act around them i'm just like 0_0 but they think usually i'm dope anyway#i remember as a toddler i hated it so much when people used that annoying voice at me ( they still do T_T )#it always made me feel uncomfortable & humiliated i really didn't like it#& if someone would try to get me to act like a “Cute Kid” like making me repeat after them in exchange for sth#i would never do it i would stare until they gave up. like girl i'm not doing that#but when i got older i starting playing into it because i felt guilty#& i also knew that i could get what i wanted faster/easier that way#i wasn't even a particularly smart kid i just didn't fuck with this like Stop being fake... it's embarrassing
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IM SO SICK OF PEDOPHILE MORI DEBATES
GUYS HES NOT REAL. THE PEOPLE SAYING HES NOT ARENT BAD PEOPLE FOR THEORISING. THE PEOPLE WHO SAY HE IS ARENT BAD PEOPLE FOR NOT THEORISING
#if mori is actually revealed to be 100% one or the other#I WONT CARE.#am i on the hes not side? YES. because i see evidence pointed in that direction#same with people saying its disrespectful to the author... like guys they also made mori a mafia boss that kills people#the also made dazai a guy who constantly trying to kill himself and koyo and kyouka women#like its fine. this is for fun. STOP MAKING THE DEBATE SO BAD OMG#if that never gets confirmed then i dont really care#using elise as evidence is like using my own right hand as evidence#guys remember how her whole thing is that shes conpletely controlled by mori?#i witerawwy want one day where i dont have this debate#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd mori#ougai mori#mori ougai
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Tiny Jote doodles, you can tell me 6 yo Jote ‘nursed’ a comatose Joshua all you want SE that what SHE thought she was doing because she was a kid
#Joshua: you nursed me when u were six? How?#Jote: i brushed your hair#(She used the brush roughly with a thud)#Joshua gets weird faint ptsd from combs but he doesn’t remember why#Thats why his hair is a big bush#True story#tt#Jote trying to insert chocolate chip into comatose joshua mouth:#The undying nurse: NO-#she is the undying spoiled very loved kid and they all collectively raised her and you will take that out of my dead cold hands#They got her all the cute little dresses#She also is studying chemistry and herbal medicine etc joshua is the treating dummy i mean the friend that let her practice#joshua rosfield#jote#ffxvi#final fantasy xvi
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had a frankly insane dream last night that i don’t know how to start describing but i did save trev bobburger from a vampire so i’m glad he’s okay at least
#okay like. first half of the dream was trying to perform a seance in my childhood bedroom using a giant glowing LEGO palpatine as a conduit#I don’t know WHY like in the dream I distinctly remember I did NOT want to perform the seance#but someone had gotten me all the materials for it so I felt bad and was like if I don’t do it I’m just ungrateful (?)#anyway the minute I performed the seance the world turned into like a video game world#like there was a giant VAMPIRE projected on the beach (?) like a boss was being announced#and also trev was there and I was like DUDE WE NEED TO RUN#but it was like a video game I had to keep doing quick time event button prompts to get him to keep holding my hand and running#also he was vaguely 3D it eas Weird#anyway I kept looking for other characters but none showed up#he mentioned at one point that he hoped the boys weren’t dead#jimmy definitely was because I mentioned the seance and he was like oh we could bring back jimmy!#and I had to be like trev we can’t keep going seances that’s what got us into this shit. drop the seance idea#anyway for some reason we decided that the best way to flee vampires was on a bicycle (?) so we were just like#rising around willy nilly on a bike. and I still had to do quicktime events#anyway at some point I was like ‘we can’t look at screens that’s how the monsters Get Us’#(again. okay.)#but like we were near a gas station and there were screens on the pumps which was Scary#anyway idk the dream ended soon after. hope trev is okay. shame about literally everyone else
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.
#randomly remembered that time i had to figure out how to play bohemian rhapsody on the piano#for my high school music class because my group chose that as part of our final performance mix#but i was on xmas holiday vaca in pakistan for like 2 weeks and i had no access to an actual piano/keyboard#so i found a youtube video tutorial (which i always did) and taught myself by watching and mimicking the hand movements on my lap 💀💀💀#but i also never used music sheets or anything and i always went based on my memory so that wasnt a big deal#but guys tell me how it worked#like when i got back home and ran to my keyboard#I COULD PLAY IT#ON MY FIRST TRY#teehee#my music teacher was impressed haha#mehrtalks
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I neeeeeeeeeeeeed to get more familiar with digital art interfaces but then you're just
but what if. we fucking inked it instead 👀👀👀 don't you want 👀👀👀 to do extremely intricate crunchy lineart 👀👀👀👀 dont you just want to fucking ink it 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
and like yeah. yeah I do want to fucking ink it.
#I dont know why we like inking so much its so fucking unforgiving and I have very shaky hands#but I think that makes it look more fun#anyways Im doing art again after not doing art for like. several months#because I think we're finally losing it#but I NEEEEEEEEEEEEED TO FUCKING WORK ON COLOR THEORY AND SHIIIIITTTT#my portfolio's gonna suck ass if I cant get back into doing digital art#and god I havent touched blender in like what. seven years#dont even remember how to use it#but its fine#like yesssssssss I traditional art has my heart and soul but Im trying to get more into animationnn and#most of that is done digitally now#likeee yesssss usually my traditional illustrations are what im making money off of right now#but we've put off actually learning digital for so longggg and I need to focus on that again#but not right now. like whatever gets me motivated to draw at all right now is what im gonna do.#i miss artttt I miss my fun little fandom projectsss hhhhhhhhhhhghghjgjhgkjhgkjg#ive had very little time for personal or fun art and writing projects for like. all year now#and I think its like half the reason im so exhausted and bored all the time#i miss arttt I miss herrrrrrrr I hateeee burnout and being busy and exhausteddddddddddd grgggrgrgrgrgharhhakjdggggggg#on my final fucking nerve istg. gonna crash out if I cant make like seven paintings in the next week.#raven rambles
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rip to the person in my dream last night who i was in a time loop trying to save </3 woke up before i ever could
#well i mean they weren't dying in the loop but he was a part of a cult i was trying to get him out of. hard to deprogram someone in one day.#i was trying different ways of going about it. first just to get myself out of there. then on 1 loop i leaned hard into the cult & ended up#dating that guy. then on subsequent loops it wasn't enough that i figured out how to get myself out of there. i needed to get him out too.#even if he didnt remember me. maybe we'd date again maybe not but either way i wanted him out of there#i remember there was a game-like mechanic to the cult where you'd get coins for doing certain things#most people had a few thousands- the high ranking people had a million or two- the person i was trying to save had like tens of thousands#you could exchange coins for prizes. one was a private dinner for 3! you; a person of your choice; and a 'famous celebrity'#(said celebrity being a puppet formerly used by the cult. it would not be manned it would just be sitting there)#it cost 4.5 million. i kept my coins in the loops. that's why i did the loop(s) of getting in the cult's good graces#i had the coins. in this loop i decided to be just interested in the cult enough to not draw suspicion. i knew buying the dinner would draw#enough attention as is. i'd gotten close enough to him that loop that we were pretty friendly and i asked if he would like to do that dinne#he was like 'haha sure but we can't afford that' at which point i showed him my coins. 4.6 million. he was shocked. i made an excuse about#helping out whenever i could. i couldn't officially ask him to the dinner yet- buying anything with coins had to go through the higher ups;#and buying big prizes made an announcement to everyone. i missed my bit of good timing of buying it right after the announcement of the#prize cause i asked him if he actually wanted to go first- a couple of the leaders were getting married and i didnt want to draw even more#attention by doing that during the ceremony. we sat next to each other at the banquet and he kept asking me questions and i asked him not t#call attention to us. he said fine but he wanted answers. i said we would take turns asking each other questions. he agreed. i was hoping t#ask him questions that would make him question the cult- i could tell him more on our private dinner of course- but i let him go first#'do you love me as a person or as a character?'#i just sat there for a while. i don't know how he knew. the answer was both. but i knew what he was really asking. 'as a character.'#he was upset of course. fictional people tend to be when they find out that they are. he was angry. he accused me of lying or something els#i held his hand and begged him not to call attention to us but that i could prove it later. he looked at me. he told me he had access to a#room he shouldn't. he hadn't been there. but its name intrigued him. 'the dream lobe.' i knew this. id seen it before. id seen him see it#before. that room contains a fragment of a large brain. and a person whos whole purpose is to explain to you that you're a part of a dream.#a figment of its imagination. once you learn that you can never leave the room. i could of course. i was the dreamer. but i learned others#couldnt the hard way. i didnt want him trapped again but he demanded to go into the room. i went with him. i watched him go through the#stages of grief again. i watched him realize he couldnt leave. i knew i could try again. loop back and buy the dinner on time and have a#chance to explain without the room and maybe let him escape. but i watched him sit devastated in that room that i could leave and i realize#i was fighting for something that may never come to be. maybe the dinner would help. but thats just a faint hope. i could break the loops#whenever i wanted. i looked at him. and i left.
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